it actually feels like it could almost be fall today and i ate a cucumber-tomato sandwich for lunch today, which are two joys making up for the fact that i'm back in sincelejo again, spending too many hours in front of a computer screen, translating grant documents.
i've been in zambrano 8 of the past 10ish days, i think, and although the challenges continue, i also find myself falling more and more in love with that place and the people in it. it really seems to be a beautiful thing to have so much love for a place and a people who understand faith in such different ways than me - ways that often make me feel it is difficult to live together.
last monday the 'women's network' from the church had a gathering because it was a holiday (which there seem to be one of every week here...colombia is known for its insane amount of national holidays...crazy, but no one is complaining about it!). i was appauled to find out that many of these women, who all attend church together every sunday, do not know each other. didn't even know names. the church doesn't have more than 200-something regular attendees, but there is no sunday school and very little small-group anything. the idea of faith in this understanding is that one person shares the word with the rest. they never gather in groups to talk together. they mostly just go to church functions, hear the sermon or whatever the message is, and go home. furthermore, in this culture, the women know each other even less, because they are constantly cooking and cleaning at home and rarely leave the house. it was really difficult for me to sit through and hear these women talk about their daily tasks which inhabit their entire lives. the patriarchal society that i am constantly surrounded by exhausts me more than anything in zambrano.
we also had a pretty big event this past weekend - an 'encuentro' as they called it. it was open to both church people and non-church people, and was a three-day intensive retreat-type-thing. i was one of the 'workers' who was constantly getting details set up, cooking, running errands, etc. the group would get up and have breakfast at 7, have sessions from 8 till noon, eat lunch, go back to sessions from 130 till 6 then have supper and then would participate in the planned activities in the evenings. it was really intense. a lot of these people came with very little church experience and there was a lot of repentance preaching and spiritual warfare stuff going on, (which i have little to no experience with) and it was a very different way to do church than what i do. i've had a number of great conversations with people about our different understandings, though, which i have felt really positive about. it can be really exhausting to feel so alone in how i understand the message of christianity, but the conversations are invigorating and i feel like, amidst my blaring differences (ideological and more apparently physical...which are really at the base ideological, also) i am gaining more and more trust and love from these people, which is definitely a great thing.
im finding that i don't get hungry for white rice every day twice a day, and i dearly miss my home-grown vegetables, which they eat none of, but i'm trying to work out ways to do some of my own cooking without being offensive about not eating the food they offer me. i don't eat that much rice - it fills me up fast and after eating it every day for two months, i'm not really hungry for it - but i'm finding i'm not eating enough to have sufficient energy if i do much work to expend it. so we're working on that...and i'm getting really excited for my garden, which is growing well, but i'll still need to wait quite awhile before i have much of anything. patience.
as the tv is constantly on at the pastor's house (which also drives me INSANE) i have heard WAY too much about michael jackson dying. i can't believe that i sit here, in the midst of poverty and violence in colombia, and the 50% of the news in the past 4 days or so has been all about michael jackson. there's so much more important news than that. it has been driving me crazy hearing about him all week.
the week ahead looks good. tomorrow is torin's birthday (mcc/seed friend) so we're going to celebrate at the beach possibly, and i'll be visiting maria la baja, his community, with him for the weekend to have a birthday meal with them and spend some time with his community, which i'm looking forward to. hopefully, i will then go back to zambrano "for good" and not have to do this back and forth thing every week. jordan, my good friend from the seed group, is also going to be on the coast with her parents this week (visiting from the states) so im hopefully gonna swing up to cartagena and spend a day with her, which will be wonderful and refreshing and healing. other than that, pretty much the normal routine of doing...eh...nothing...community building...in zambrano. :) lots of hanging out on the hammock talking, walking around in the HOT HOT weather, and going to a lot of church.
so maybe this sounded negative? hope not, because i'm feeling good, even though i'm finding that frustration can creep up on me quickly. im looking forward to finally living in zambrano without having to do so much travel. the process can feel really slow at times, but i can be really chill and go with the flow. there are some days i really miss being busy - having lots of things on my mind, being in charge of things, feeling like i know what i'm doing and whats going on...living in zambrano where i am not allowed to go anywhere on my own and im not in charge of anything has definitely been a challenge for my constantly on-the-go self. i feel torn between loving the slow pace of life and going crazy with nothing to do.
so thats how i leave you today...in this inbetween stage. with a deeper and deeper love every day for this country, these people, and specifically this community, while at the same time, that same community being more and more of a challenge as we learn to maneuver around our differences and love and respect each other despite our many differences. really, its a beautiful challenge. one i think we should be confronted with more in life than we ever really have to be.
i love you all. unfortunately, i'm still terrible at taking pictures. i'll work on that this week. i miss you. keep the updates coming. out in the middle of no-where-colombia, it is a joy and a gift - a small piece of home - to hear from each one of you whenever you write. thank you for keeping me in your busy lives. i miss you all and love you dearly.